


Before our story starts

by lcdp_nova



Series: Some things are meant to be [1]
Category: La casa de papel | Money Heist (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Family, Fluff, I Love You, Love Confessions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:42:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 16,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28480089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lcdp_nova/pseuds/lcdp_nova
Summary: A bunch of letters that Raquel (+ Sergio later on) write to 'each other' during the year that they were apart before she found the postcards.
Relationships: Raquel Murillo/Professor | Sergio Marquina
Series: Some things are meant to be [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2088054
Comments: 21
Kudos: 33





	1. Entry 1,2 and 3

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going to try and sum up all the things I need to say right now.  
> So this of course isn't normal fanfic because it's a bunch of small letters which when added together create a whole story. What I have done is put a couple of entries for each chapter because they're not long enough to make up a chapter on their own. Each chapter isn't incredibly long but that is why I have written a few chapters so it is quite long altogether.  
> PSA- She is not actually writing to Sergio, she is just imagining that one day, he will read them. 
> 
> The first several chapters are Raquel's but I'm thinking of doing Sergio's side as well.  
> I really hope you enjoy it. :)))))
> 
> Please leave your opinions in the comments x x x

**4 NOVEMBER 2017**  
Dear Salva/Sergio/El professor,

God, I don’t even know what to call you at this point, but I needed to get things off my chest, and seeing as I have no one else to talk to, I might as well write to you. Well technically these letters are only going into my drawer but maybe one day they’ll reach you. 

When I say I have no one to talk to, I mean it. Of course, I have Paula but she’s too young to understand and then my mother. Her good days are getting less and less so it’s difficult. And then work. 

Jesus. I still have my job, but it’s not like I’m getting any cases, nope I’m stuck on desk duty. Writing up the mess that you and your merry band left behind. 

Fuck you for that. 

None of my colleagues talk to me. All the men see me as the sex-crazed teenager who was stupid enough to put her feelings first. I mean I did. And the women. I’m sure some of them are jealous. Not jealous of how I’m getting blamed, no. but, some people have started calling me and you a love story, that’s why some seem jealous. Like it should’ve been them. The rest just see me as stupid. All in all, I am alone. Angel is the only one who speaks to me, but he is frustrating. He keeps asking me if I know where you are, I swear to you, if I did, I’d be on my way to you right now. I miss you, a lot. 

Raquel 

**8 NOVEMBER 2017**

Dear Sergio,

Yeah. I decided on calling you Sergio because if I ever find you again, that’s what I’ll call you. But anyway, it has been a week since you left, and everything is still up in the air. No, I think that’s an understatement. You’ve left a pretty big shitstorm here. Nice one, Sergio. 

The Royal Mint its self is still shut. Well of course it is. They’ve started renovations, you seemed to have left quite the mess there. 2 dead bodies in wooden boxes, classy. Quite the shock to our people when they found them. I’m sorry you lost them. We may not see eye to eye, but they were your team members. And they meant something to you, so I’m sorry they didn’t make it out. Fewer people for us to try and find, right?

That wasn’t funny. Sorry. I’m just trying to cope with everything, and I guess that’s my way of doing it. 

I’m still at work but I’ve heard what Prieto has been saying. I know what they’re going to do. Blame it all on me. And then I’ll be screwed. 

I don’t know what to do anymore. 

Raquel

**22 NOVEMBER 2017 **  
****

Dear Sergio, 

********

********

********

I lost it. My job. I knew it was coming. After about a week of back-and-forth conversations, they finally let me go. Well, they gave me two options. So, I picked the easy option and left quietly. Prieto has been out for my blood since he threatened my daughter’s custody on the last day of the heist. As if I haven’t seen all the illegal things, he has let pass by him. He and Alicia. 

********

********

********

Alicia Sierra. I’m sure you researched her at some point and know what she’s like. An eagle. She’ll play as dirty as she needs to in order to win. I don’t know why I’m telling you this but just in case you’re planning on robbing any more banks in the near future, keep an eye out for her. We used to be close in the academy, really close. And then she met German, he’s a lovely man really but I guess it was him before me because we drifted, and I haven’t heard from her in a couple of months. At least she’s happy. 

********

********

********

I’m not quite sure what to do now. 

********

********

********

It’s not like I can exactly walk into a job center and show them my resume. ‘Ex-police negotiator who let a gang of criminals get away with almost 1 billion euros.’ 

********

********

********

Perfect. 

********

********

********

So now I’m a little stuck. 

********

********

********

I’ll get back to you on what I decide to do. 

********

********

********

Raquel 

********

********

********


	2. Entry 4, 5 and 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also wanted to say some things are not canon. They're just my assumptions :))

**1 DECEMBER 2017**

Dear Sergio, 

1 month since you’ve left. Yet it only seems like yesterday when I was in your run-down warehouse and you had me hanging from my arms. You’ll be glad to know that those bruises have faded now, so at least I have no physical evidence that I was involved with you.

Just a shit ton of emotional and psychological evidence instead. 

I’ve been labeled as the ‘village idiot’ of Spain for falling in love. With you. The great professor. But they don’t know the real you. Or at least the you that I spent time within those days. I don’t know if that’s the real you because I don’t know how many of the things, we talked about were truthful and how much was to just get close to me. 

I like to think that some of it were true, that just even for a moment, I got to see a little bit of the real Sergio. Because God did you see the real side of me. Well, some were distorted because I was under pressure, but I opened up to you because I trusted you. 

That was obviously a mistake. 

Raquel 

**7 DECEMBER 2017**

Sergio,

I finally got a new job. It was tough going for a while, every interview I went to I would be asked the same question 

‘What’s the professor like?’

I blame you entirely for that. That’s beside the point because I finally found somewhere. I studied Psychology as a degree when I left school, and of course, that came in handy as a negotiator. But it can be useful for other things too. So, I’ve become a counselor for a local school here in Madrid. It’s not the worst job. It’s funny really. These kids’ biggest problems are whether they’ll be asked to the school dance by the boy they have a crush on, or that their parents are going through a divorce. At the time, your little brain thinks that that is the worse it could possibly be. 

I wish my relationship status were the worst thing happening in my life. It is not. 

If I’m honest. Life sucks. It really, really sucks. This is what my life has come to. A FUCKING COUNCILLOR. I used to have a high place in society and now I’m here. 

Because of you. Fuck you. 

R. 

**13 DECEMBER 2017**

Dear Sergio, 

I don’t have much time to write because Paula’s sick and all my attention is on her. But I just had to write quickly to say, Sorry for my last message. 

I was...a bit angry. 

But I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. I was the idiot for trusting you. Putting my faith in yet another man. I should’ve learned my lesson with Alberto, but I thought maybe I had finally found someone better. I knew it was too good to be true to have the perfect man. 

You were the perfect man until I saw that orange hair on you. I would’ve died to see you in that clown outfit. I’m sure you looked hilarious.

Ok. Paula’s throwing up again. Great.

Raquel


	3. Entry 7, 8 and 9

**16 DECEMBER 2017**

Dear Sergio, 

I caught whatever Paula had. Luckily not as bad as her but I’ve lost my appetite and I’m exhausted. I’m bed bound. 

So, I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to write to you. For one it’ll give me something to do, but also it gives you a chance to learn some more about me. 

I always wanted to be a police officer. Me and my father, before he passed, would watch Police movies together. Well, when my mother wasn’t around because she thought they were too violent for me. But when she was out, or asleep, my father would sneak me into the living room, and we would curl up together and watch them. 

I wish Paula could have a father figure like that. Alberto isn’t bad to her, but I fear when she gets older, he’ll do something. Why am I even telling you this, it’s not like you care. 

Anyway, my father passed before I graduated from college, so I vowed that my tribute to him would be to pursue my love of the police. I got a degree in Psychology and started working my way up. It wasn’t easy, especially for a woman in a man’s world. But I did it, and I earned people’s respect. 

I like to think my Dad would’ve been proud of me, well until I fell for you, and then he would’ve told me that I was naïve or that I was deceived by a man. 

He wouldn’t be wrong. But I don’t regret it. No, I don’t. Perhaps I would’ve liked to fall in love with you without having to lose my job but there’s no changing the past. And no, I don’t regret it. Not for a second. 

Alright, I’m getting tired now. I’ll talk soon.

Love,

Raquel 

**19 DECEMBER 2017**

Sergio.

When I ended my previous letter with love. That was the sickness talking not me. Don’t get your hopes up. I am still very pissed at you. 

I have every right to be.

I’m not feeling so sick anymore, I’ve managed to eat the small amounts of food that Paula has brought me. She’s been incredible. I used to hide away any time I got sick so she wouldn’t have to see me looking weak, but as she’s gotten older, she seems to be able to see through me better and so this time I let her help me. I’m really grateful for her.

I’ve got nothing else to say right now. I just had to tell you that. So, Goodbye. 

Maybe the tiniest amount of love, 

Raquel. 

**25 DECEMBER 2017**

Feliz Navidad Sergio,

I hope wherever you are, on your desert island in the sun, that you’re having a good Christmas, I’m sure you and your friends had quite a luxurious celebration this year. If you’ve got any money left over, maybe share it with me, huh? I mean after everything we’ve been through together. 

I’m joking of course. 

I remember you showing me those postcards about the different places we would run away to together. I have them stuffed away somewhere. I put them away when you left because they would just make me angry or upset. And now well. Now I’m scared to go find them because they make me miss you more. I don’t think that’s possible because I miss you so much. 

But I’m not willing to find out honestly. So, I’ll leave them wherever they are. On a rainy day, I might have a look at them. 

Now, since there’s no man in the house. I am the one that’s going to cut the turkey this year, so I better go do that before Paula gets filled up on all the sweets, I’ve given her. 

A little bit of love because it’s Christmas,

Raquel x


	4. Entry 10, 11 and 12

**31 DECEMBER 2017**

Dear Sergio,  
I’ve been thinking over this matter for the past couple of days and I think it’s the best thing, for both of us. Well, me really, you don’t know I’m writing this.  
Seeing as it is a new year tomorrow. I think it’s best I stop writing to you. Not just that. From tomorrow I’m just going to stop thinking about you or making any associations to do with you. 

A fresh start. 

Well, I’m going to try. It’s not like you’re the easiest to forget. You’re literally in my dreams Sergio. I’m not going to say how just in case someone finds this, but it’s making me miss you more. Fuck. 

BUT not anymore. This is our goodbye. 

This year has shown me a lot. For one, how much can change in the span of a year. This time last year I had just won a big negotiation case and I was moving up in the ranks. And now look at me. A single mother who is pining over a sociopath. The second thing it has shown is just how much you can trust NO ONE. All of my ex-colleagues turned against me after the Royal mint heist. I can’t really blame them but it’s lonely. 

I have one or two friends now, they’re not part of the police so I suppose they’re not so upset as the others, but they still see me as stupid for falling for you. Trust me so am I.   
Anyway, I better end this here. I would say thank you for everything, but I don’t think a single thing you did to me was positive so.

I guess I could say thank you for getting me out of that Patriarchal world. My mental health surrounding my work life has improved since I started my new job. Thank you. 

I’m going to miss you. 

Goodbye Sergio. 

My love, 

Raquel x x 

**3 JANUARY 2018**

Sergio,

I lied. Well, technically I didn’t. I meant it at the time. When I said I was going to stop writing to you, I meant it. I was fully prepared to stop. And then I got into a fight with Paula, and because my mother wasn’t having one of her good days, I couldn’t talk to her. And then, you were the first person who came to mind. I don’t know if it’s because I let out all my problems that one day at Hanoi or for another reason. 

But you. It was you, and it’s not like I can exactly fly out to wherever you’re hiding and talk to you, so instead, I picked this up and started writing again. You’re like a drug and I’m addicted.

God Raquel could you be anymore cringy.

Whatever, I’m addicted to you Sergio, so if you don’t mind, I think I will in fact keep writing to you. 

Raquel x

**8 JANUARY 2018**

S,

Fuck you, FUCK YOU for coming into my life and ruining it. I hate you. NO. I despise you. FUCK YOU. God, I’m so angry right now and I swear to you, if you were here right now, I’d slap you as I did in that house in Toledo, probably harder. 

I’m angrier than I was back when I had you tied up, and that’s saying something. 

Fucking Alberto. They dropped my abuse case against him based upon the fact that they have no evidence and I only reported it when he was getting with my sister so now, I look like the jealous, crazy ex-wife.

I don’t think the fact that I fell in love with the biggest criminal in Spain helped either, but that doesn’t matter. 

I was only trying to help my sister. Because I know what Alberto is like and I don’t want her to get hurt. 

I’ve also fallen out with Paula because the girls at school are bullying her because of me, there isn’t a single person in Madrid and probably Spain who hasn’t heard of the great love story of Inspector Murillo and El professor. Jesus Sergio, they might as well write a movie about us. 

But this isn’t a movie. So, thank you so much for not only ruining my life but also ruining my daughter’s. Better add another fucking tally to the ‘How many times can I fuck Raquel over’ table. It must be getting pretty full right now, huh?

Fuck you. 

I hate you. Why couldn’t you have just chosen another inspector’s life to mess up? I already had enough going on as it was, and you just came and added to the mix.   
I reckon that was your intention all along. You probably researched me thoroughly previous to the heist, as you did with everything, and then made sure to destabilize me, making it easier for me to fall for you. I have to give it to you. Your acting really was top-notch, already knowing about the abuse and then just playing along. 

You prick. 

I’m so done. Done with you. 

r.


	5. Entry 13, 14 and 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The new chapters will be up tomorrow :)

**1 FEBRUARY 2018**

Sergio,

It’s been a while. I was convinced I was finally done with you after I last wrote to you. And I was actually sticking to my promise for once. And then I found the jacket. 

The jacket I wore the night we first slept together.

All the clothes I wore during that time have been sat at the bottom of my wardrobe since the day after you escaped. I haven’t worn any of them because, well I don’t exactly have an excuse. But the fact is I hadn’t worn any of it. That was until I got invited out for drinks earlier. In all honesty, nothing else looked good on me so I picked up the jacket and I wore it.

I like that jacket. I don’t think you realized it at the time, but I was freaking out about going on my first date since, well, Alberto. I had spent a good hour trying to find the right outfit. And I decided on that jacket. I thought it made my figure looked good, so I said fuck it and went with it. 

I’m getting off track, the point is, I wore it yesterday. We were at a bar and I said I would buy the next round so I go to pull out my money from my pocket when something falls out. A paper crane. At first, I thought it was something Paula had made but at the last moment, I saw a little ‘s’ scribbled at the bottom of one of the wings. And it hit me. Who is obsessed with origami and their name starts with an S. 

You, Sergio. 

I don’t know when or why you put it in there. Maybe I’ll get the chance to ask you one day. But I think it was fate. That I was supposed to find it so, here I am, back again, writing to you. Well technically it’s still just me, but I’m sure you’ve got eyes on me. 

The truth is, in my last letter, when I said I hate you. I didn’t mean it. I was angry. Angry that you left me here, to deal with the mess. I hate you for the fact that I’m not lying in a hammock somewhere hot with you right now. But I don’t hate you. I don’t think I can anymore. I may be pissed sometimes but you’re you, Sergio. 

God, I wish I knew where you were right now, I’d be on a plane so fast. I miss you right now. Your eyes. Your smell. Jesus, I even miss the little things you do with your glasses. 

What have you done to me? 

Some love,

Raquel x

**5 FEBRUARY 2018**

Dear Sergio, 

It’s not been the best of days, to say the least. One of the previous hostages, Arturo Roman, has released a sort of autobiography. It’s all about the ’11 days of torture’ he endured at the hands of you and your gang. There was some pretty interesting stuff. How he found an injured hostage sleeping with one of the robbers, I heard the hostage left with you and your gang AND fell in love with the criminal. If that isn’t a love story, then I don’t know what is. 

Who am I to judge though. Lead negotiator but fucking the opposing team on the side. 

Anyway, that wasn’t the bad part, he talked about how the police shot him, and let’s just say, I didn’t come out looking great. Not that I was expecting to, I mean I authorized it. He brought my gender into it and blamed my rational thoughts on the fact that I must have other woman thoughts clouding my judgment. 

Sexist pig. 

I might just shoot him myself. 

I’ve got to be careful what I put in here, at any given point they might just swarm my house again. They did it to me two days after the heist, a day before I started writing these.  
They had been given a court order and everything, based upon apparent evidence that I would know where you would be. Wrong. They didn’t dig very far, just opened some drawers and seized my phone and laptop. I think that was the worst part honestly. I felt like I was being stripped of my basic human rights. But I couldn’t do anything about it. 

In the end, they found nothing, of course, they didn’t. If I knew anything I would’ve been long gone before Suarez started banging on my door. Suarez. We used to be close. I respected him and he respected me. He got the job done and was honestly quite efficient. 

The respect was lost when he slammed me onto a table in Angel’s hospital room and treated me like shit. Like I was a criminal. So since then, I’ve made sure to give him a glare every once in a while. I think he mutters the word traitor anytime I’m near him, but he hasn’t said it to my face. Just let him, see what happens to him.

Probably shouldn’t write that either. 

This book already looks dodgy enough. Either I’ve been talking to Sergio the whole time and I’ve broken a bunch of laws, which I haven’t. So, if you’re reading this book, and you’ve just stolen all my stuff because you suspect me again, fuck off. I don’t know where he is. 

The other possibility is that I’ve just been talking to myself. Which I have. I mean these letters go nowhere but at the bottom of my bedside table drawer. I hope one day you’ll read them, Sergio. I mean they are meant for you. 

I’ve got things to do. I’ll talk soon.

Love, 

Raquel. 

**14 FEBRUARY 2018**

Dear Sergio,

My love, Happy Valentine. 

That was obviously a joke.

I’m sitting here with a bottle of wine and Paula has fallen asleep on me, so what do I do. Start writing to you. Of course. 

Life has been really stressful this past week. I had my final trial two days ago. 3 months after you had left, and they finally dropped all charges against me. Lord, I am lucky.  
For a while, it looked like I would receive community service or fines. But I think the jury took a bit of sympathy on me when they found you tied me up. Yes. I know. That was a dirty move, saying I was tied up as if I didn’t do similar things to you the day before. Well anyway, it worked. They didn’t charge me. At least that’s something. Now I just have a massive sign above my head saying ‘I let your economy down’ 

That was a lot of money Sergio. You better be out there saving the world somehow, because if I find you and you’re not. I won’t be happy. 

I am so grateful that nothing worse happened to me though. That would have been the final straw. With a criminal record, and with those crimes, Alberto would’ve been granted full custody in a flash. I don’t think I could’ve dealt with that. Paula keeps me going. 

We were watching a rom-com, but she seemed to get bored because she has passed out on my legs. That was probably for the best, it got a bit sappy. You would’ve hated it. I’ll make sure to watch one with you one day. 

I really should get Paula to bed, she has school tomorrow. 

I hope wherever you are, you had a good valentine. But I know you. You probably spent it reading or folding colored paper into a love heart. Whatever makes you happy my love.

Next year it will be me and you.

Goodnight Sergio.

R x


	6. Entry 16, 17, 18 and 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my second lot of updates. The last ones for Raquel will be up tomorrow. I would have put them up today as well but they weren't quite finished and I wanted for them to be perfect. So for now, enjoy these :)
> 
> I would also like to put a trigger warning for 2 of the chapters, I will put a TW on them. There is talk of depression and abuse so please be sensitive to the subjects. 
> 
> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE SUPPORT ALREADY, IT MEANS THE WORLD
> 
> x x x

**3 MARCH 2018**

Sergio, 

I’m sorry it has been so long. There were so many times that I was going to write, but truth is, right now, I can’t seem to find a spare second on my own when I’m not exhausted. So, writing to you hasn’t exactly been no.1 on my priority list. But I have a spare moment right now because Paula is at a sleepover and well, my mother isn’t here. 

The last time I wrote, I didn’t tell you, because I thought it was nothing. Her good days have started being so rare. Therefore, almost every day is a bad day. Looking after her is a full-time job, and I can’t possibly handle that on top of everything. So, I moved her into a home. I don’t know how long for. 

I feel really bad. I do. But I know, if she was lucid, she’d want me to do this. 

I picked up shifts at a local café, to cover bills and now the expenses of my mother’s care. The hours are long when accumulated with my other job, I can feel myself drowning. 

But. How are you? How’s the life of a millionaire? Wouldn’t I like to know? 

Could you just come back to Madrid for a bit? I could really use your help, and also your company. I’ve made some new friends from my jobs, but I think most of them pity me, pity me for having my whole fucked up. But you don’t. Sure, you feel for me, but you’re different, well of course you are, it's you. 

I just want one of your hugs right now. Like that one when you unexpectedly brought me flowers. I really appreciated that, even though you were probably playing me. At the time, it made everything that tiny bit better. 

Thank you, 

Raquel x x

**12 MARCH 2018**

Dear Sergio,

I can’t wait for you to meet Paula one day. I know you hate being sociable, but I think you’ll like her. I like to think that I raised her pretty well, she’s almost like a mini-me. So, if you can deal with me then why not another version of me. None of this is really important because I still can’t see to find you, no matter how hard I try. But then I suppose, you probably didn’t leave a trail behind. 

All of my detective work is getting Paula interested in that kind of work. She’s been interested ever since the Royal mint heist. During the time, I tried to turn off the news when she was around but as soon as she returned to school, she was bombarded by the other students and well I didn’t have much of a choice but to talk to her about it. It wasn’t an easy subject believe me. 

She doesn’t really understand the concept of love. Not that I do myself, but she seems to think that the man I fell for is just another ordinary person. I can describe you as many things, but ordinary is not one of them. Paula also asked me if you were a good man. I said yes. You are. 

I can’t believe I’m admitting that to you. If I was with you, I would’ve been perfectly happy to have a long debate on weather or not what you did was good or not, but seeing as I’m sat here alone, like always, I’m going to give it to you. I think your intentions were harmless and had it not been for us. Us and our stupid story. Then maybe it would have been executed perfectly. Or maybe not. 

I have to question you on some of your members. The siliene girl. God, how did you deal with her, she has the attitude of a tiger. I only spent 15 minutes with her in that tent and I had had enough. 

But I think the worst one of all would have to be the Fonollosa man. I have no choice but to ask why the fuck would you hire him?! He seemed efficient but the poor hostages. I’ve read some of the testimonies given by them. They didn’t make your gang look good, that’s for sure. I’m not judging. Well. Maybe a bit. You had what you had to do. And I’m sorry you lost him, I heard he sacrificed himself at the end. That can’t have been easy. 

Speaking of Paula, I need to go pick her up. I hope you’re well Sergio. 

A bit of extra love today, 

Raq x 

**22 MARCH 2018**

This won’t be long because I feel guilty for even writing this. I mean I shouldn’t, I’m a free woman and I have my needs. But I know if you were to find out, you would be upset. 

I slept with someone. There I said it. I’m telling you as if it’s some big secret or that I’ve cheated on you but we’re not in a relationship. I haven’t seen you in almost 5 months. I just feel bad. I mean I shouldn’t, I know. 

I haven’t slept with anyone since you left. Not that I’ve really wanted to, there’s been so much going on that it’s honestly not even crossed my mind. Well not with another man. You. You’re a different story, but let’s not talk about that right now. 

I didn’t want to sleep with anyone. And I still don’t. But it was my birthday two days ago. I didn’t want to celebrate it, at all. I would’ve rather just stayed at home and watched a movie with Paula. Nope. Instead, some of the very few friends I have took me out for drinks and although I didn’t enjoy myself at first, I was actually going to try and sneak out the back, and then. Well then, I had one too many drinks, or like five. I lost count.  
He came up to me. His name was Fernando. He was probably a sweet man, but I didn’t stay long enough in the morning to find out. 

I’ll spare you the details, but if I’m being honest with you, which I have been the entire time, it scratched an itch I didn’t even know I had. Or I did know I had, I just tried to ignore it, but as I said earlier, I have my needs and since you’re on the run and I had to improvise. 

I think I might still be a bit drunk. So, before I embarrass myself even more. I’m going to go to bed. 

I love you, Sergio,

Raquel x x x x x x 

**24 MARCH 2018**

S, 

If I could burn that whole last letter I would, I still could. But I guess maybe we can look back on it one day and laugh at how stupid I was. It’s crazy. Since I’ve been writing these, I’ve always imagined myself being with you one day. Against all odds, I always imagined it. 

It’s ridiculous but I can’t just imagine us not being together. Me and you on a filthy boat together and Paula swim-ming in the sea, even my mother painting by the sea. It’s stupid I know. But when I think of how I want the rest of my life to be. I want you, Sergio. I don’t want to wake up another day without you by my side, another day without your embrace.  
I wish you would’ve left me something so I could come to find you. I hope you’re happy. 

I’m going to say it right now. 

I love you. 

Raquel x x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first chapter was not the best, they get better !!


	7. Entry 20, 21 and 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW- Depression

**1 APRIL 2018**

Dear Sergio, 

5 months. It’s been long, but I’ve made it 5 months without you. Ok. Technically it’s been 5 months without you, but I’ve written to you almost every week.  
I don’t think it counts because you’ve not read any of these. I wish you had. Not all of them god no. But some. Then at least you’d know how I was feeling. 

I wish I knew you were feeling, I barely know anything about you. I mean I know stuff, but I can’t pick the truth from the fantasy, and so I’m left wondering who you really are. Even the basic questions, like what’s your favorite color or your favorite food? I want to know it all. 

Raquel x 

**9 APRIL 2018**

Sergio,

I can feel myself slipping. I’m getting worse and worse as the days go on. I don’t know how much longer I can carry on doing this.  
Paula has gone on a weeklong trip with Alberto and my sister. I wanted to tell him, no, but I’m trying to stay civil with him, for Paula’s sake, not mine. Also, if I grant him this, he’ll have to return the favor and then I’ll be able to make my escape. I’ve been considering it for a while. At first, I was just going to try and leave to be with you, I still am. But now, I just want, no, NEED to get out of Madrid, of Spain. To get Paula away from her abusive father and me away from well, everything. 

When I say I can feel myself slipping, I mean it. Every day just seems the same. Like that movie when the man is stuck on one day in a loop. That. I wake up, I get ready, get Paula ready, call my mother, drop Paula off at school, go to my first job, pick Paula back up, drop her off at Alberto’s or a friend’s house, go to my second job, come home, pine over you, sleep. God, even writing that makes it seem miserable. It is. I hate it all. 

I’m not saying I want to stop living. No, no. I still have so many things I want to do, like see Paula graduate, and find you. I’m just saying that I want to stop feeling, just for a bit. Hibernate until something better comes. But I can’t do that. I’ve just got to keep going. Yet, it seems so worthless. Like what’s the point. 

Now I feel like crying. Correction, I am crying. It’s a mixture of angry and upset tears. 

Upset that I hate my life. I’m not ungrateful. I know I have it better than so many others, but it’s not like it’s perfect either. At least people have stopped staring at me in the streets, well most of them have. I’m also upset that you left. God, over 5 months since you left, and I’m still sad over it. I think that’s where my anger comes in. You. Fuck you. I’ve got to stop saying that. I’m just angry that you are living in our house, without me. Financially it's yours. But I know you bought it with our future in mind. The future I, and probably you have written in our head. 

I want it. 

I need to sleep. I miss you, Sergio. 

Love, 

R x 

**17 APRIL 2018**

S,

I’m terrified. As if things couldn’t get any worse right now. I found a mole on my back. Or I should say Paula found it. I was getting dressed the other day and she asked me why I had a big brown spot on my back, I assumed she was talking about the freckles that I have on my shoulder, so I just ignored it. But when she asked again a couple of days later, I got her to take a photo of it, and it wasn’t a freckle. 

Anyone can get moles. I mean, they’re a natural thing. Unless it's cancerous, and with my luck, I was convinced it was. So, I went to the doctors and they’ve sent a sample off for testing. I should get the results soon. 

When I was sat in that room, talking to my doctor, I wished I had you to hold my hand. You would’ve known what to say. Known how to make me feel better. Instead, I sat in my car and cried for 20 minutes before picking Paula up and acting like everything was fine. 

It will be fine. I just need to keep praying. 

This year seems to be throwing one thing after another at me. I can’t seem to catch a break. I’m thinking of taking a trip away, maybe to a spa or somewhere hot. It doesn’t matter where really. Just as long as I can relax and not have to worry about any of my problems. 

I don’t know when I will next write honestly Sergio. I want to talk to you, in person. 

Wishing you were here.

Love,

Raquel


	8. Entry 23, 24 and 25

**1 MAY 2018**

Dear Sergio,

I’m back, and I’m doing better, I think. Well better than I was when I last wrote to you. It’s the 6-month milestone since the end of the heist so of course I couldn’t help but write to you. 

The media has been covering the entire thing, making sure to bring back up all the dark secrets behind the scenes. You, of course, were featured heavily. They brought out new wanted posters for you (and the rest of your gang). I shouldn’t be saying this, but you looked handsome. Really handsome. Maybe the sketch artist was really good. It was like for a second, I got to take in all your features again. The little wrinkles under your eyes that come out when you smile or the way your eyebrows crease. I love it all. I could kiss that face for hours. 

Of course, they brought the two of us up. They finally released the café footage of me and you kissing. Perfect. Just what I wanted. I think some parents don’t want their kids to find out the truth about us, so a rumor has been started that our story is fairy-tale. A fairy-tale written to show how not everything ends in happiness. Little do they know; the real Raquel Murillo is sitting in her bedroom waiting for her prince charming to show up. Instead, the prince is taking a vacation. 

They didn’t rip into me as hard this time. They put all the blame on me sure, but they didn’t call me an idiot. They did that when the newspapers first covered the heist straight after. 

People are saying this heist will be written into the history books. That was pretty obvious. You don’t exactly rob a bank at this magnitude and simply get forgotten. No, I knew it was coming. But it's not like when I sat in class at 8 years old and they asked, ‘Where will you be when you’re older’, that I even considered the fact that I would be in a history book. And not even for a good reason. 

Just imagine 5 years from now. ‘Question 3: Evaluate the mistakes Inspector Raquel Murillo made that helped cause the victory of the robbers?’.

Fantastic. I can’t wait. 

At least it’ll be a fun topic to revise, right?

Alright, that’s enough said for today. Happy 6 months sweetheart.

Love,

Raquel x 

**10 MAY 2018**

Sergio,  
I’m sitting waiting for Paula, so I thought I’d write to you. Although I haven’t got anything particular to talk about, I suppose I’ll talk a bit about everything.  
Paula. I’m thinking of taking her on holiday during the summer. Alberto is going on a fortnight cruise line with my sister, so I have her for those two weeks. She’s been asking for a while now. Back when I was in the police, I always said no because my job consumed so much of my life. I don’t have that excuse anymore. In all honesty, I want to go on holiday too. And with Paula would be nice. Just me and her. 

So anyway, I asked her where she would like to go if she could pick, she had a lot of options. But we managed to cut it down to a few options, Sweden, Thailand, and the Philippines. She seems the most interested in the last one because she has been doing a project on it at school. The Philippine Islands look nice. I wouldn’t mind living on a beach there, we could even have a hammock outside. I haven’t picked our destination yet, but I’m considering it. I’ll tell you what I decide upon. 

I have Van Morrison playing on the radio right now. I love his music. It’s definitely not your style. I’m not sure what exactly is your style of music. Classical piano music? You probably don’t even listen to anything. But anyway, I have a feeling you wouldn’t like him. Your loss. 

This song. It’s called Days like this. It makes me think of you. Maybe that’s why I started writing. 

‘When everything falls into place, like the flick of a switch’. You. When I hear that, my mind first goes to you. When I am with you, it all seems right. Like I’m meant to be there. To be with you. For god’s sake, I even wrote that I love you. I’ve told you that I love you without you even knowing it. I will say it to your face when I see you. 

That leads me to my next point. I’m sorry I slapped you three times when you told me you loved me. No, wait. I’m sorry I slapped you for that reason. But I think you deserved them for other reasons, so guess it evens out. Of course, I was angry then and I didn’t even register that I loved you, so I didn’t say it then and then when you had me tied up and I kissed you, so much was going on, I was wanted, I had to see Angel and you were, well preoccupied. I didn’t say it then either. I really wish I had. Maybe if I had, I’d be with you right now. But then, how can I be sure, I’m not really sure what your plan for us is or was. 

Because I’m not with you. The only place I can say it, or should I say write it, is here. 

So, I love you. 

God. I almost forgot. I’m healthy. The doctor said that the mole I had was nothing serious. You should have seen how I wept in the car after. Wept because I was fine. I’ve got to get a grip on my emotions. I am so happy though. Happy it wasn’t anything bad. I’m not too sure I had the energy to handle that. 

I think Paula’s back. Thank you for letting me vent. 

R x 

**17 MAY 2018**

Sergio,

I swear to god if this was your little way of checking up on me. I’m going to kill you. I’m probably paranoid and this will have nothing to do with you. But just in case it does, which my gut is telling me is true, then this message is for you. 

I finally went back to Hanoi, for the first time since I’ve been there with you. It wasn’t too busy, so no one was there to judge me. I ordered my usual and was keeping to myself. And then a man asked to sit opposite me in the booth. I was a little out of it, so I simply agreed. He was about 40 and had a man bun. He said his name was Marseille. I think that was the red flag for me. 

I know that’s a city name because it’s the city I and Alberto went to for our honeymoon. It’s a lovely place. The point is, when he told me, I instantly switched to inspector mode and I started being really cautious around him. Marseille started asking me questions. At first, I gave him blunt responses but as he carried on, I started to think to myself, ‘what’s the harm in telling him?’, maybe if I do, if I open up to him and then it gets back to you, maybe it’ll give you the motivation to come to get me. And so, I told him things. Not many. I was careful with what I told him just in case he really was just a friendly citizen. But I added hints that I know if you heard, it would make you miss me. Or at least I hoped it would. Maybe it did. Maybe you’re on your way to me right now. 

One can hope. 

If Marseille was indeed your doing. Thank you. It really did cheer me up, it was nice to talk to someone about this who wasn’t a piece of paper, like you. 

He also told me a story about a dog he lost, so you can tell him I said sorry about that. I haven’t ever had a dog so I can’t imagine the pain of losing one, but I suppose it probably doesn’t feel great, and by the way, he described, they seemed close. Ok, thinking about it now, this guy doesn’t seem like a criminal. He was just… I don’t know, he seems so innocent. You’d probably laugh and tell me something stupid like he’s a hitman. 

If he really is not your doing, then a random stranger became my therapist today. 

Brilliant. 

Raquel x


	9. Entry 26 and 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW- Abuse

**15 JUNE 2018**

Sergio, 

Have I ever told you that I love to dance? I really love it. For a while, when I was little, I did ballet. I even wasn't to do it when I grew up. But then I got bullied by the older girls. They bullied me for my weight. I wasn’t even fat, I just wasn't stick-thin like those bitches. They’d laugh whenever I wore a leotard, or whenever I was asked to perform something. It sucked. 

It got to the point where I hid in the bathroom until class was over because I couldn’t bear the thought of dealing with the torment. When my mother found out she was furious at me for not going to the classes that she had paid for, my father just hugged me and told me that he understood why I did what I did. ‘You will always be my perfect little dancer, Raquel’ 

Although I stopped ballet, it didn’t stop my love for dance. I haven’t done it in years, but anytime I go to a club, I make sure to dance my heart out, I’m sure I probably look embarrassing, in the moment though, it’s the best thing. It’s one of the few things I do that I can entirely disconnect from everything and just experience the moment. Live it to the fullest. But I think the best type of dancing will always be slow dancing with the one you love. 

It’s on my bucket list. To slow dance with the love of my life under the stars. I started writing the list about 5 months into my relationship with Alberto, expecting to complete them all with him. We did a couple of things, but none that I really loved. Like that one. Sure, yes, we’ve slowed dance, but not in a setting so perfect as that. 

What I’m saying is, Sergio, I want to complete those things with you. Me and you. You don’t look like the type to dance, but I know you would try it for me. 

I also have other stupid things on the bucket list. Like swimming fully clothed in the ocean or having sex in the sea. It’s the little things really. But I can imagine myself doing them all with you. We will someday. Maybe we could even add our own. I don’t know. As long as it includes you, I’m willing to try anything. 

Love love love,

Raquel x x 

**24 JUNE 2018.**

S, 

This will be long. And I will probably swear. But I’m not apologizing for either. I need to get this out because I keep it all bottled up, it will only cause negative impacts on me and it’s already affected me enough as it is. 

I’m still a counselor at this school like I told you before, and it was going fine, a couple of kids falling out with each other or those having mental health issues. Some get to me, but I can usually handle them. Not this one. 

A girl has been coming to me for a couple of weeks now. Her name is Ariadne. She was first referred to me because she was just quiet at school and they seemed to think that sending her to me would help. At first, she would barely speak, sometimes not even responding to her questions. I wouldn’t push her, I’m glad I didn’t, now that I know her past. 

Anyway, more recently, she started wearing jumpers over her top, even on the hot days where it is scorching in the classrooms, she was refusing to take it off. When I questioned her on it, she seemed to shut down even more, so I moved on and talked to her about other things. 

I picked Paula that day and carried on with my normal routine. But it hit me when I was making dinner. She was being abused. I couldn’t know for sure of course, but all the signs were right in front of me. I knew I couldn’t go straight to her and ask her. 

Abused people, we’re different, we’re stronger. But I mean that we deflect the personal questions. We avoid ever getting close to any topics that ask if we’re ok. So, I had to be careful with how I was going to approach a conversation with her. 

The next day, I requested that I spend the day with her, it was authorized, and she came into my office as soon as she came into school. She was, again, wearing a big jumper, but instead of her usual skirt, it was replaced with trousers. I knew it was getting worse and that I had to do something. I asked her if she had seen or heard about the ‘Royal mint heist’, she said ‘yes of course’.

And so, I told her my story or well our story. About how I met you, how I fell for you, I also told her about how and why I opened up to you. I haven’t told you my whole story yet Sergio, but I promise when we’re together again, I will, because I know I can trust you. 

I told Ariadne about my abuse. Sparing any graphic details of course but I could see that it was starting to affect her, so I stopped. I changed the subject by giving her chocolate and asked her if she wanted to know anything about the heist. She asked if we were in love. I laughed and replied that we only knew each other for five days, how could we possibly be in love. 

I was lying. I’m madly in love with you Sergio. 

When it came to the end of the day, her anxiety seemed to rise again. I asked if she was ok and she broke down. My heart shattered. It was one of the most painful things I have ever seen, this poor innocent girl, having to face all this. I held her and told her it would be okay. And then, then.

She took off her jumper and showed me the bruises. I wanted to cry myself at that moment, but I knew that I had to be strong for her, so instead, I gave her my number and told her if she ever needed an out, whether it was night or day, she could call me. It goes against protocol I know, but I can’t bear the thought of her being alone. 

I don’t want to talk about the details anymore but to sum it up. We kept meeting and she slowly opened up to me, it was her father. He was an alcoholic and would often come home late and drunk, unable to comprehend what he was doing and so would beat her up for the smallest things. The night she told me, I cried myself to sleep. I finally reported it to the authorities and they since pulled the girl out of her father’s home. She’s in a care home whilst they deal with the situation. But like demonstrated with my case, the system is shit. 

But I swear I would let my case get dismissed a hundred times if it meant that she would get justice. 

This world is fucked, Sergio. 

It’s bad enough for someone like me, an adult having to deal with abuse, but a child?! A child who has nowhere to run. They’re stuck in hell. It’s disgusting. 

I will NEVER understand what possesses a person to do something like that. Make someone’s life so shitty. Men like Alberto and Ariadne’s father deserve to rot. This world needs to change, and I vow to help as many people as I can who have gone through such circumstances. 

Alright, I’m done. I mean I have many things I could and will say about this topic, but this week has worn me out and, in all honesty, it’s a conversation that I would rather have with you in person so that you can hold me and tell me it will be okay. 

I’m still wondering what you’re doing with all your free time and the pile of cash. You must have a lot of spare time now, huh? Not focusing your whole existence on a bank robbery. Maybe you should consider actually opening a real cider store. I didn’t get a chance to try the fake stuff you made because I was too busy sleeping with you, but I reckon you’d be pretty good at it. 

Well, whatever you’re doing, I hope you’re having fun. Say hi to your gang for me. 

Raquel x 

P.S. Thank you for not being like those men, I appreciate it.  
I love you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I finished this on such a heavy topic. But I thought it was important to cover it. If you need help,  
> Please call- 0808 2000 247
> 
> You are not alone. 
> 
> More chapters coming tomorrow  
> x x x


	10. Entry 28,29,30,31,32 and 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the last batch of entries of Raquel for this book. I'm going to release a chapter of Sergio also tonight so that you can also get an idea of what the rest of the book will be like.  
> You start to 'see' the appearances of Sergio in this. you'll see what I mean. 
> 
> I'm planning on continuing this into a series but I'll discuss it more when I finish Sergio's side. 
> 
> I really hope you enjoy this last update for R. 
> 
> Last thing. All the comments you guys have given mean so much to me. They may only be a comment to you, but it's so nice to see what you guys think of my writing.  
> THANK YOU x x x

**30 JUNE 2018**

Dear Sergio,

Paula finished school a week ago. It’s officially her summer break.

I quit my second job two weeks ago because my mother moved in with my sister, so I don’t have to keep paying for the care, and honestly, the hours were shit. 

Me and Paula decided on Thailand, it was a close call between that and the Philippines but when Paula found out about the elephants in Thailand, her mind was made up. I can’t disagree with her. Plus, Thailand seems incredible. Not that the Philippines isn’t but I think I would get jealous if I went on holiday there. I would start dreaming about the kind of life that I would have there. But I’m not going to just move my family across the world. 

Well, I would only do that for you, but seeing as you could be anywhere right now, it doesn’t matter.  
Maybe next year I’ll take her to the Philippines. You could join us. We could call it a family vacation. I suppose you probably can’t travel much though, seeing as you’re an international fugitive and all that. 

God. But did I tell you how much I regret letting Paula choose our destination? I was excited until I saw the plane times. 15 HOURS Sergio. I guess we could watch movies, but I struggle to sleep on planes. So those fifteen hours are going to be torture. At least Paula will have fun, right?

The things we for our kids huh. 

We’re leaving tomorrow, I’ll keep updated. 

Love,

Raquel x 

**1 JULY 2018**

Dear Sergio,

I’ve tried to sleep three times, but it’s no use. We’re only about five hours into the flight and I’m already ready to get off. The first hour I spent looking at our view from the plane window and explaining the history of Thailand to Paula, not that I know much, I just researched a bit before we left so I don’t look entirely useless. The next two hours were spent watching a movie, so it went by fast, but then the movie ended, and I realized I didn’t want to watch anything else. Great.  
Paula has made a huge list of things she wants to watch, at least that’s one less problem, right? They’re going to start handing out food soon, but I’ve had a deathly fear of it since I got food poisoning from it when I was 10. I think that was karma forever thinking processed food 15,000ft up would be good.  
-  
I finally slept. I ate some snacks from my carry-on luggage, sorted out Paula, and forced myself to sleep. Nothing seemed to work until I thought about you, you, and our future.  
Then I drifted off. I dreamt of our house, not that I have any idea what it looks like, but I imagine it to be by the beach. And for it to be wooden and open. 

I was snuggled up with you on a hammock. It was perfect. 

I heard someone whispering my name in my ear and I was convinced it was you, turns out it was just Paula waking me up because we were descending. The view is so nice. We’re about to land. 

I’ll talk soon. 

R x 

**3 JULY 2018**

S,

I love it. 

Me and Paula spent the majority of yesterday sleeping to catch up with the jetlag and then she dragged me down to the pool. At least I’m going to get a good tan on this holiday.

We spent today exploring. That’s why I love it here. The scenery. It is so beautiful. My camera roll may or may not be almost full.

Ok. This isn’t going to turn into some travel vlog. No. This isn’t a diary. It’s my way of connecting to you. 

Raquel x 

**5 JULY 2018**

Dear Sergio, 

I’m really starting to like not having to worry about my own problems. Maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing to move across the world. 

This isn’t the reality though I know, I would have to actually get a job instead of spending all my days on the beach. 

Yes. I did in fact bring this book with me to a foreign country, it’s like traveling without having to worry that you’re going to get caught at any moment. 

The other problem with moving is that Alberto would never agree to it. He barely agreed to me taking Paula on this holiday, AS IF I didn’t grant him a holiday with her previously. ‘it’s not the same Raquel, I didn’t take her out of the country.’ 

That doesn’t make a difference. 

I can’t wait to get away from him. I know Paula will hate me for a while for taking away her father, but I hope when she’s older, I’ll be able to explain to her why I did what I did. I suppose when she’s older, if she wants to, she can go back to him. But, once she sees the true him, she’ll be open to the truth and it won’t be pretty. 

I wish it wasn’t like this. But I can’t have her thinking her whole life that her father is a saint. 

Alright, the ocean is calling me. 

Love because I wish you were right next to me on this beach towel, 

R x 

**7 JULY 2018**

Dear Sergio, 

We leave tomorrow. A couple of days ago, I would’ve said I wasn’t looking forward to it but these past two days I feel like I’m being watched. I don’t know if I’m being paranoid or if someone has recognized me, but I have someone’s eyes on me and it’s making me uncomfortable. 

I thought if I got away from the hotel that I would be safe. So of course, I took Paula to see the elephants she has been dying to see. (She loved them by the way) but no. Even walking through the streets, it felt like one of those movies where there’s someone behind you but every time you turn around, they’re nowhere to be seen. I was tempted to scream and tell whoever it was to leave me alone but then I would’ve looked crazy, and I didn’t want to draw attention to myself. 

I have a sneaky feeling this has something to do with Prieto and maybe even Alberto. So just to be safe I’m going to post this home, then it’s not on my personnel. 

I know what you’re going to say next, ‘Raquel, they’ll be tracking your post’, for once Sergio, I’m one step ahead of you, I’m having an errand boy post it to a friend’s house. I called them on a hotel phone to tell them I sent a package for myself.

Maybe they should call me the professor instead. It’s a pretty clever plan.

I will need you to teach me some origami though.

Ok, I don’t know when this will get back to me, so until whenever I next have this, Goodbye.

My love, 

Raquel x 

**18 JULY 2018**

Sergio,

This finally got back to me after 11 days. My suspicions were right, it seems Alberto wasn’t as accepting of me taking Paula on a trip as I first thought he was because he ‘tipped’ off the police that I was supposedly going to Thailand to see you. What a prick.

I even got the red carpet rolled out to me, Prieto and Suarez led me off the plane. Fucking perfect. Somehow in 2 days, they had managed to get a search warrant for my bags. 

Actually, it doesn’t surprise me that they were granted it. So much as a sniff of something related to the heist and they’re given whatever they need, so they took all the stuff I had with me in Thailand.

Of course, they found nothing, if I was going there to be with you, I wouldn’t have come back. 

The only good thing that came out of it was how Paula reacted. Alberto had been waiting outside the plane, obviously presuming that they would find something, and he would be able to snatch her right away from me. When they didn’t and we left, Paula was upset and asked why he would do something like that. My heart breaks for her, she shouldn’t have to see this.  
She refused to go home with him and told him she was going to stay with me for the time being. I’m sure when she’s well-rested and back to normal, she’ll probably ask to go round but I’m glad that she’s beginning to not always take his side.  
It’s been a stressful week. The first part of the holiday was good at least. And Paula made so many good memories. I would show you photos but there’s a slight barrier to that. 

Alright, enough said. 

If you are actually in Thailand though, I would be on high alert because they still seem convinced that I went there to sleep with you, instead of for my own luxury. Although, the first option is my luxury. 

Please stay safe and hidden, wherever you are. 

Raquel x


	11. Entry 34, 35, 36, 37 and 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter, it's a little longer don't worry. 
> 
> Please comment your thoughts on her side:) x x

**2 AUGUST 2018**

Dear Sergio,

I told you a while ago that I didn’t think I understood the concept of love, I still don’t. But today, I think I learned part of it. 

There’s this small café down a small alley off the edge of the main streets of Madrid. It’s well known among locals but not so much with the tourists, so it’s always a good place to go when you want some peace. I’ve been going there for a couple of years now, often when I need to take a step back from everything. And I needed that today. So, I went there.  
The business has been run by this old couple for as long as I can remember. They have two kids, one who lives local and one who is traveling the world with their other half. When I went in yesterday, they had balloons scattered around the place and a big sign with ‘50’ on the door. I presumed it was a birthday and so asked the couple who’s they were celebrating. 

Turns out it was not a birthday. Instead, it was their 50-year anniversary. Half a century. They had been happily married for 50 years. They met at 18, fell in love, he proposed at 19 and they were married the next year. It was the perfect story.

Of course, I wanted to know their secret. 

It was simple. Since their first date, they’ve had a date night at least once a month. At first, their conversations would fill the entire night, but as time went on, and their years grew, their conversations shortened. But not because they weren’t in love and had nothing to talk about, no. They were just so in love that sitting in silence with each other was enough for them. 

I felt like I saw a glimpse into my future. Our future. That’s what I want Sergio.

Not that I think we could ever stop talking. You seem to know quite a lot and I will always be willing to debate a topic with you. That’s undoubted. The point is, I want that opportunity to talk to you or to not talk to you. I want to be that couple with you. 

I want to grow old with you. To spend the rest of my days just sitting in silence looking at you. 

So, I’m not going to stop looking for you, Sergio. Even if I’m wrinkly and frail, and Paula has her own kids, I will still be looking for you. 

You complete me, Sergio. You’re that missing puzzle piece that I need.

I love you. So much.

Raquel x x 

**21 SEPTEMBER 2018**

Dear Sergio,

I don’t mean to not write as often as I used to it’s just that recently, each day seems to merge into another, so the past two weeks have just become a massive, cloudy ball of sameness. Nothing exciting seems to be happening, so I never really see the point in writing to you. It would get too repetitive. 

Plus, I wrote this to tell you things. But I’m starting to realize, that the things I’m wanting to tell you, I want to tell YOU. Sergio. Not this book. I want to be snuggled up together on our patio, or floating hand in hand in the ocean. So, I’m not going to write to you the things I know, I will instead wait for a rainy day with you. 

Speaking of rainy days, I’m going to look for those postcards you left me soon, I’ve shoved them somewhere, but I’m not really sure where. I was so upset that I just wanted them out of my sight. I don’t reckon they’ll be hard to find. I am hoping if I look at them, they might give me some comfort. Some comfort, that in another universe we would have run away to Palawan together. Yes. I remember sitting in Hanoi with you and choosing Palawan. I think that’s why I’ve been so drawn to it this past year when I’ve been looking at holidays. 

I picked it out with you back then and although we were only joking, out of the 4 places, that was the one. 

I need to stop dwelling on the past though, it’s going to make me upset and I need to focus on the future instead. Although I am still very committed to the idea of visiting Palawan next year, maybe if I can Paula interested, she’d be more willing to run away somewhere. 

It’s a stupid idea but I guess I’ve got to keep my options open. 

My mother moved back in with us. She, after moving out of the care home, went to be with my sister for a while. Not that I have a single idea why, because my sister seems to not care what happens with her. Too focused on perfect little Alberto instead. Anyway, my mother seemed to have had enough of them because she came to me 2 weeks ago asking if she could return and of course I said yes. 

There’s no cure to Alzheimer’s but the doctor has her on this medication that seems to heighten her good days. I’m just glad I get those days with her before she’s fully gone.  
I was worried for a while, it’s not like treatment was cheap but she told me her insurance was covered. I’m assuming it’s savings she and my father had. I’ll ask her properly when she’s having a lucid day. 

In other positive news, after returning to school, the girl I’ve been telling you about, Ariadne. Her case won. Being over the moon is an understatement, the system finally didn’t let a victim down. The father was charged, and the girl’s grandmother now seems to have full custody. 

She came running up to me the first day she was back at school, I’ve never quite been hugged like that. And this time, I couldn’t help but cry with her. But these were happy tears. Ariadne is now doing so much better. She seems happier like the world has suddenly been filled in with color. She’s started socializing more. 

I’m sure she’ll still have bad days. Recovery isn’t easy. But I know we’ll be able to get through it. 

It’s like this has given me a bit more motivation to carry on. Because it’s worth it. 

I really hope you’re well Sergio,

Love,

R x 

**30 SEPTEMBER 2018**

Dear Sergio, 

Paula’s loving school. She’s getting so big. It’s crazy because it seems like only yesterday, I was holding her in my arms as a new-born. I think every parent says it, but you only realize it once it’s happened to you. Time goes so quickly. It’s like if you blink, you miss it. 

I was 1 and a half years into my marriage when I found out I was pregnant. Me and Alberto were ecstatic. This was before it all started to go downhill. Up until she was 4 and a half, we had the perfect family. A loving mother, a working father, and a perfect child to complete the set. I really thought I had found true happiness. Turns out I was wrong.

Her first word was ‘Dadda’, yeah, I wasn’t too happy at that. But I guess I was expecting it. For the first year of her life, I wasn’t working, so most of Paula’s time was with me. You’d think that would mean I was her first word, but I barely addressed myself to her, so it never clung on. Instead, I would keep telling her about Dadda. 

Dadda this and Dadda that. 

She said it when we were at a family meal. My mother was talking to her and making her laugh, then Alberto came in. She pointed at him with her tiny fingers and shouted it across the room. Although it wasn’t the word I wanted, that moment was like euphoria. I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced it Sergio but hearing a child’s first word is something special. 

Maybe you can hear our kid saying their first word. Ok. No, that was jumping WAY too far ahead. I’m sorry. 

This is ridiculous, I haven’t seen you in almost a year and I’m thinking about what our non-existent future kid’s first words might be. 

I guess it’s easier to do that than to focus on reality and the painful truth. You’re gone. Well, you’re somewhere out there in the world. But it’s almost been a year since the heist and I would’ve thought, if you wanted me, you would have come to get me by now. Or at least left me a sign so I knew to come to you. 

Maybe I was making it all up in my head, thinking that you were telling the truth in that house in Toledo, maybe, in fact, you were just lying to me, telling me what you knew I wanted to hear, so I wouldn’t hand you in. 

No, you wouldn’t do that. Not to me. 

But how do I even know? I don’t even know who you are Sergio. 

I think it is best if I stopped writing to you. Not like before when it was a new year and a fresh start. But just stop entirely. Not because I don’t love you, god no, I love you with everything I have. I think that’s the problem though. I’ve been telling paper you how much I love him when the real you has no idea.  
I’ve started relying on these letters, like they’re the only thing that gets me through a day, knowing that I can come home and just write to you. It shouldn’t be like that. I should be coming home to you, the real Sergio, who I can tell my day to, and he can tell me of the crazy plans he’s been reviewing whilst we make dinner together for our family. 

That’s why I’m stopping. 

It’s all getting too much for me. When I finally thought I was getting a handle on my life, I just seem to crash. I’m falling and I can’t seem to stop. I called in for a sick day today. I never did that on all my days in the police. That’s when I knew it was bad. 

I would say that this was your fault, but it’s my own, for indulging myself in all this, for hiding away my problems in a book. In reality, you are the only thing that has kept me above water. 

But see. That. That is the whole problem. You don’t even know that for the past year, you’ve been saving my life. You’ve moved on, totally oblivious to the fact that I am still pining over you. I’m such an idiot for ever thinking this was going to go anywhere. 

GOD. I even started dreaming of a future we could have together. The house we would have, EVEN the decorations I would buy for our room. OUR room. 

This. All of this. Is why I’m stopping. It’s affected me too much and I’m not going to let it anymore. So, unless the world is ending, I’m not going to pick this up anymore. 

I have no way to end this. So, goodbye again, I guess. 

You have all my love,

Raquel.  
-  


**22 OCTOBER 2018**

S,

I guess this must be my end of the world crisis. No. I have no intention of carrying writing. I just felt like I couldn’t just ignore today. Well actually, I was planning on hibernating for the next 11 days but then I went outside. And the kids. They’ve all dressed up as El professor and the Inspector Murillo. Like it’s become a national holiday or something. 

That’s when I knew I couldn’t exactly ignore writing at such an important time. 

Clearly, the fairy tale has stuck because since I picked Paula up from school, she’s been non-stop telling me of all the different stories the children have been talking about at school all day. One theory is that the inspector was the professor the whole time. 

I can shut that theory down pretty quickly. Unless I have a secret bank account unbeknown to me, then I do not have the millions you stole, or should I say, made yourself. I still believe I earned a share of the sum, I mean, for all the backlash I received. It’s the least you could do for me. 

Kidding. 

The fact it has been a whole year. A year since I first heard your voice. It may have been automated, but then I guess, in less than 24 hours, it’ll be a year since I borrowed your phone and heard your actual voice. 

‘What are you wearing?’. The cheek. I suppose that was actually the least damaging question you asked me over our time together. I’m still not over you having the nerve to ask me those things in front of my male colleagues. But that’s a conversation for a different day. 

These next eleven days aren’t going to be fun. The press has already started shedding all the light on the facts of the heist that I wanted to be buried and forgotten. It’s only going to get worse from here. They seem to be doing a day-to-day cover of everything and my actions in the last couple of days aren’t exactly going to make me look like a saint. 

I made sure to pick up stacks of chocolate ice cream at the shop the other day, so at least whilst I’m being dragged, I can pig out on sweet food. 

Paula’s asking me if we go for a walk, and because I’ve got to act as if everything is ok, I’m going to go with her. 

Happy one-year anniversary my love,

I bet you and your friends are having a right celebration as I write this. Don’t spend all your money :)

Whatever.

Raquel x 

**1 NOVEMBER 2018**

SERGIO!  
I’m about to leave for the airport so I don’t have much time to write this. But my love, I’m coming. I’ve been crying happy tears for the past 2 hours because I’ve been so blind. The postcards, the co-ordinates. Right in front of me this whole time. It doesn’t matter now. Because I’ve got them. 

I have so much more I need to write, but right now is not the time. 

I can’t believe how close I am to being with you, in less than 24 hours, I’ll be in your embrace once again. And I can’t wait. 

I’m coming. 

I’m not going to tell you here that I love you because I’m going to say it to your face. 

Alright, I really must be going. I will not be missing this flight. 

Soon sweetheart. 

Yours and only yours.

Raquel x x x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sergio's side coming out later loves  
> x x x


	12. Entry 1,2,3,4,5 and 6 (S)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beginning of Sergio's letters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hola :)  
> My academic year starts again in the next couple of days so therefore, my updates will be limited, I will of course still be updating, it just won't be every day.  
> They'll still be good quality don't worry. :))
> 
> I thought I would give you a sneak peek at Sergio's POV so I've given you the first chapter tonight. I really hope you enjoy it. More will be coming soon :)
> 
> Comments and Kudos mean the world to me,.  
> x x x

**3 NOVEMBER 2017**

Dear Raquel, 

God do I miss you. I wish I could have brought you with me, maybe if I had had more time I might have, but at the end of the heist, it all went too fast, my thoughts were entirely on the safety of my team rather than you. 

You were in the back of my mind though. You always are. 

I’ve not left you completely Raquel. I couldn’t leave without giving you something to cling to. The postcards. 

That day in Hanoi. Since that day, I’ve known that I needed you in my future. When you picked Palawan, I made sure to put my plan into action. 

The coordinates. The place I will be waiting for you. It’s beautiful. You’re going to love it. 

I really hope it doesn’t take you long. I don’t expect you next week or something stupid. I know the kind of shit storm I’ve left you in. I’ll make it up to you for the rest of my life, I promise. But the aftermath will take up your time for a while. I suppose that will give me the chance to get our house ready.  
Our house. I haven’t had the chance to pick a specific one yet of course. It’ll take me time. You know what I’m like, with all my efficient planning and precise choices, it’ll be a while before I choose one. 

I want it to be perfect for you, for us and of course for our family. 

We’ve been on this boat for just over 24 hours and I am already done with these people. It’s not the boat I was planning on when I was sitting in Toledo. Of course, physically, it is the boat I hired. I mean. In terms of the people. We have most of the original gang, but we lost three people. Including my brother. You didn’t know he was my brother. But he meant the world to me. I don’t want to think about it right now. It hurts too much. 

We also have a new addition. Monica Gaztambide. Well, her name is now Stockholm. Again, so much was happening during the end of the heist, that I didn’t fully think of the whole idea of bringing us with her. But she’s with us now and she’s no problem. She and Denver seem in love. 

We have 3 days left on this boat before we split and go in different ways. Saying I am nervous, that’s an understatement. I have them splitting off, into pairs. I just worry that they’re not going to take this seriously. 

I think I will give them another lecture. I need them to realize how important this is. I can’t have them making any mistakes. 

You wouldn’t believe me, but this is the hardest part now that we’re out. The challenge is staying hidden. The only reason I have faith in some of them is that they have done it before.

Take Tokyo for example, you’ll probably know her as Siliene I suppose. She was on the run before I found her, in fact, I saved her from walking into the lion’s den. 

I think it’s best if I stop stressing. I’m exhausted from this all, I better get some sleep before someone comes looking for me. 

I hope you’re managing to cope with everything. That was stupid, of course, you‘re not. I’m so sorry.  
Sergio. 

**6 NOVEMBER 2017**

Dear Raquel, 

I am relieved that we are getting off this boat tomorrow. I am quite frankly finished with these people. They have become my children. They could be at this point, the way they act reminds me of young children. 

Tokyo and Denver thought it would be ‘hilarious’ to push Rio in the water.  
Oh yes Tokyo, giving him hypothermia would be fantastic. They seemed to think it was amusing though because after we, I mean myself and Helsinki, pulled him back onto the boat, I left them rolling on the boat floor laughing.  
Perfect. Yet another reason why I’m not letting any of them live anywhere near me. Aside from the fact that it’s not safe to have us all in one place, I also don’t think I could bear having to socialize with them AND deal with their attitudes.  
Maybe in like ten years, when they’ve all grown up, and had children, I might consider the possibility of having a reunion. Not that I can imagine any of them having families.  
Except for Monica of course. 

I’m not really interested in what they decide to do with the rest of their lives, as long as they stay safe and don’t get themselves caught, I am fine with whatever they decide to do with their share of the money. They did their job and that’s that. 

I don’t want to admit this, but deep down, I believe I will miss them. Definitely not the way Tokyo insults my origami or the way they make jokes around my serious topics. No. But they’ve been the closest thing I’ve had to a family since I and Andres were with our father. 

I didn’t really experience many family memories because I spent most of my childhood in the hospital. Maybe that’s why this gang feels so much like a family.  
It was the days when we sat around the house in Toledo. I remember once, I cannot remember who began the conversation, but they started discussing what they were going to do with the money once the heist was over. 

Andrés of course wanted to start a winery in Italy. Nairobi wanted to buy a private jet. She joked about how she wanted to greet the people at the airport. Even I found myself laughing at her comments. Me. That’s a rare sight. 

As I looked around the table though, it felt like a familiar place. I felt content. I knew at that moment. They were my family. Or at least the most family thing I will ever have. 

Well. They are until you come. I’m hoping one day if you would let me. I want to become part of your family. 

When I was in your room next to Maivre, Paula sat next to you on the bed, and she asked if we were together, it felt right.  
I may have been in the middle of the heist. But I started to imagine a life with you. That’s ridiculous, I know. 

But Raquel, I did it. I still am. 

One day. I hope. We shall be reunited. 

If I could send you a sign, I would tell you to look at the postcards. It’s worth it, I promise. 

Sergio.

**10 NOVEMBER 2017**

Dear Raquel, 

I start my final stretch to Palawan tomorrow. We split off into two groups three days ago. Tokyo, Rio, Nairobi, and Helsinki went on the first boat. And there is Denver, Monica, and me on this boat.  
Before they left, I gave them a 40-minute lecture. I could see them getting bored, but I didn't care. This information is important, and I can’t have any of them jeopardizing anyone’s safety.  
They did seem to understand though. I’m glad. 

I have to admit, I don’t hate this boat. The couple keeps to themselves the majority of the time, but I’ve been able to talk to Denver and apologize for the death of his father.  
I still feel awful over the matter and my heart breaks for him. At least he now has Monica. She seems like someone who will be able to keep him level-headed. He already seems to have changed since being with her. 

Monica is a sweet person. I don’t regret bringing her into this, this is what she wanted but I don’t want her life being messed up for a man. Like I did to you. Again, I am sorry. That’s for another conversation. 

Anyway. I pulled her aside and I gave her a separate number aside from the Transporter numbers that I gave to everyone. The number will come to me. If she ever needs an out, I have a contingency planned in order to get her back to her normal life. 

I doubt and hope it will never be used. They do generally seem happy with each other. Seeing that. It made me miss you, more than I already did. It’s only been 9 days since my lips were on yours, but from the moment your touch left me, I felt like something was missing. The place where you had touched me, it was cold, numb. 

I instantly wanted you back in my embrace. 

I can’t wait until you are. 

Sergio. 

**14 NOVEMBER 2017**

Dear Raquel, 

I’ve made it to Palawan. Well technically. I’ve reached the Philippine Islands. I’m still house hunting so as of right now, I’m in a small hut that I rented. It’s outside the city center of Manila. But I’ve decided that I’m going to look for our house in Puerto Princesa. 

For many reasons really. But for one, because the beach we chose on the postcard is close to Puerto Princesa. 

I have slimmed down my choices of houses, not that I found it easy. But whilst trying to choose them, I decided with you and your family in mind. Thinking what you would like. 

I think I’m being a fool. I’m telling you that I’m buying us a house when I have no idea whether or not you actually want to be with me. There’s a whole possibility that you have already found the postcards and have chosen to not come. Or even sold me out to the police. 

I couldn’t blame you if you wanted to. I would deserve it after everything I have done for you. 

I’ve made this reality in my mind that you meant your words. ‘Estoy Contigo’ and that you would be willing to move your whole family across the world just for me. See even writing it makes me sound stupid. 

But I’m refusing to give up on us. Until I get a notification from my team saying there’s a SWAT team looking for me in Palawan, I will keep clinging to the hope that you want a future with me. 

Because I want to be with you. I miss you, Raquel. 

Sergio. 

**26 NOVEMBER 2017**

Dear Raquel, 

I found it. And bought it. Our house. I was close to giving up and I was even considering moving across the Island to search for other houses.  
But I gave it one last shot. I contacted my team and asked if there were any houses currently undergoing construction and to my luck there was. I flew out to it the next day. It was perfect. 

It’s isolated enough that we have our own privacy but also close to the local village so that we access the community. 

The house itself, Raquel, I believe you would love it. It’s a beautiful wooden bungalow. It’s surrounded by trees, we even have our own private beach. I am not one to flaunt my money. But you deserve this. 

This is the least I can do for you. 

The inside of the house is still under construction. It feels weird having to design it without you by my side to help and deciding where you would like stuff.  
I’m only doing the bare minimum. 

I’ve ordered furniture and of course the necessary stuff that I need to get by with. But the important stuff, I’ve left that up to you.  
Once you get here. We’ll buy anything and everything you want. We’ll make it our home. 

Finding this house. It’s made everything seem so much more real. Not that I couldn’t before, but right now, it’s like everything has become clear and I’m seeing an opening to the future. 

It’s been a good week. 

I’m going to check up on you soon.  
Sergio. 

**23 DECEMBER 2017**

Dear Raquel,  
I haven’t got a large amount of time, but I had to update you on the house. It’s been finished. And right in time for Christmas as well. I wish you were here to celebrate with me, but you’ve got a lot on your hands. 

Next year, I have a feeling that next year, it will be for us. 

The house has 4 rooms. One for Paula, one for Maivre, a spare room, and our room. 

It’s hard to go into our room. Hard to sleep in the bed which I bought with us in mind. But what helps me to sleep is knowing that one day, I will be holding you in that bed.  
That will be us, my love. 

All in all, I really do love this house. I felt like it was fate. Fate that I didn’t fall in love with any of the other houses because instead I was led to this one. 

It all feels right. 

Everything's coming together. I just need you to complete the set, Raquel. 

Sergio.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment your thoughts on his perspective :)  
> x x x


	13. Entry 7, 8 and 9 (S)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I'm really struggling with writing today so this chapter is horrible and not that long but I felt like I needed to release something just in case I take a break from this book for a couple of days.  
> Then I will be able to come back with a clearer head. 
> 
> Again. Your comments fill me with so much happiness, every single one of them makes my day. THANK YOU  
> x x x

**31 DECEMBER 2017**

Dear Raquel, 

Tomorrow is a new year. And I’m all for having the resolution to stick to. I contemplated for a while what I thought it should be, and I ultimately decided on giving back.  
After the heist, I realized that although we didn’t steal from anyone, we stole money. Well of course we did. That’s not what I mean. I’m sitting here with 100 million euros and I don’t need it all. 

I grew up with a pretty normal childhood, financially I mean. We had money but nothing luxurious. So now that I’m here with my share, I’ve come to learn I don’t need or even want all of it. 

That’s not to say I regret doing the heist. No. I vowed to myself that I would carry out my father’s plans, and we did. It felt like a final tribute to my father and I got this closure. It brings me peace. 

But I didn’t do it for the money unlike most of the members. To them, this heist was just a job. It’s what their lifestyle is. That’s not me though Raquel. I may be the biggest criminal in Spain right now, but before those chains of events, I was a respectable member of the public. I kept to myself, kept out of trouble, all the while; I was planning this. 

The point is. I don’t care about money. So, my resolution is to give back to the people. Obviously, I will keep an amount of the money to myself, I want to live comfortably for the rest of my life. And you. I want us to. But with the rest, I’m doing more to help the community. 

Poverty is a huge problem in the Philippine islands, especially in the younger generation. I’ve only been here for less than a month and I have seen more people on the streets than I have in my entire life. It’s a devastating sight. 

I’m going to give back to the people little by little. I’m starting with opening a business here. It’s an open and free school for troubled adolescents, hopefully, it’ll keep them off the streets and away from crime. I may not be the biggest saint, but I know right and wrong in this situation. And these kids should not be anywhere near danger like that. I can only hope I can make a difference. 

I plan on doing so much more. I would also love for you to help me decide upon other places to donate to. Your opinion matters to me. Everything about you matters to me. 

I hope this year brings you more happiness Raquel, you only deserve the best. 

I wish I could be going into this new year with you. 

Sergio. 

**1 JANUARY 2018**

Dear Raquel, 

I’m so sorry. So so sorry. I haven’t properly apologized to you since you’ve left.  
This isn’t my apology. These letters aren’t going to you. Of course, I wish they were, but I can’t risk it. 

No, this was Andre’s notebook, I presume it was to be filled with plans and such, but it only has his name inscribed on the front of the book. I found it in the bag he had filled previous to the heist, it was delivered to the boat with the others, and so I took the courtesy of going through it. 

It hurts not having him here. He was supposed to come with me to Palawan. 6 months is what he had left. He may have just been a narcissistic criminal to you, but he was my brother, the only family I had left. I would give anything to spend another day with him.  
I’m getting off track. This letter isn’t about Andres. I’m not ready. This is about you.  
You and how much I’ve messed up your life. In all honesty, Raquel, that was never my intention. Ever. I know it probably seems ridiculous to you, but I never planned on falling for you. I hadn’t even factored into my plans, the probability of having feelings. I never considered it.  
I have always had this strong internal belief of ‘No personal relationships’ during heists. I was firm on it to the members and of course to myself. But here I am 6 months later, sitting in a house that I built with the person I love in mind. I now do not believe in that rule, I mean, look at the chain of events. I met you. And I wouldn’t change anything I did for the world.  
Aside from the fact I put you and your job in jeopardy.  
That is why I am so incredibly sorry. I messed up your life, and for what, a personal bonus. I was so selfish.  
I also want to thank you. My associates informed me that you hesitated in telling them my location, it was only to you that we escaped just in time. You have my eternal gratitude. You already did. I knew I would always be repaying my debt to you from the moment you let me walk free from the house in Toledo. I suppose you were still in shock, so your judgment was clouded, but you could’ve quite easily shot me. I’m really glad you didn’t.  
If, no, when you arrive here. I will spend the rest of our lives together showing you just how grateful I am to you. 

And when you get here. I’ll give you my apology. The apology you deserve.  
Sergio. 

**8 JANUARY 2018**  
Raquel,  
I can’t possibly imagine how you’re feeling right now. You don’t deserve this. None of this.  
It’s all my fault.  
They had no right to drop the case. No right to dismiss the blatant abuse he put you through.  
I receive intel on you and other updates of the heist every couple of days, you’ll probably get angry that I’m able to check up on you, but you have no way of knowing if I’m ok. I am Raquel.  
I mostly get the information to check how they’re handling it all, making sure that you’re not getting charged with anything. I promise you, if anything were to happen and they arrest you, I’ll get you and keep you safe. I will always protect you, Raquel, till the day I die.  
When the data dropped today, my heart sunk. No, it shattered. I saw the judge's ruling. DISMISSED.  
I wanted to go to Madrid at that moment, give Alberto what he deserves and just hold you in my arms. But you’re angry. Mostly at Alberto and the system. But at me as well. Had it not been for me intruding myself into your life, you would have had a stronger case. God, Raquel, I am so sorry. 

I don’t think you’ll fully understand how much I am.  
I wanted a way to make it up to you. I considered for a while, doing something to Alberto. Doing something to make him feel just as much pain as he put you through. I was about to go through with it. But I realized it wouldn’t look good for you.  
The case is dropped and the next day he turns up battered and beaten.  
So, I decided against that. Although, if it is your wish when you’re safe living here, then I will get my associates to carry out this previous plan.  
I am never one to harm Raquel, but he deserves whatever he gets for what he did to you. It makes my blood boil that he continues to live his life happily when you’ve had to face so much.  
This world is cruel.  
When I decided against that plan, I still knew I had to do something for you. I’m carrying on with giving back to people. That includes you, I knew you would never accept money from me willingly, and honestly, I have a feeling that they’re tracking your movements and actions, so I didn’t want to risk it.  
Instead, I’ve put money into your mother’s account, it should show up as savings, so nothing looks suspicious. It’ll help to cover any costs that come up with her. It’s not enough Raquel, I wish there was more I could do, but until you find the postcards, I just have to wait.  
You’d probably slap me right now like you did back in Toledo when I last said this, but I love you, Raquel. I have loved you since our first date. Since your lips met mine, I’m not one for expressing much but it felt like fireworks. I’ve never wanted something more than to be with you.  
I wish I could be saying this to you, to your face, and I will as soon as you’re here. I’m going to hold you and look into your perfect eyes and say it over and over again. 

My love,

Sergio.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I'll be back to normal and better uploads soon :)))

**Author's Note:**

> At the beginning of most chapters, there won't be any notes or summaries :)


End file.
